My brain is officially fried
Since Scott’s injury I haven’t been sleeping well. I sleep like there is a baby in the room, so light the slightest noise wakes me up. I’m terrified that I’m going to hurt him in my sleep. Maybe that he’s going to need something, or that he’s going to get up in the middle of the night and hurt himself going to get something because he doesn’t want to wake me. It’s a little bit of a crazed paranoia, but not totally unjustified, I mean he has broken bones after all. I also have a dog that didn’t get his early morning pee because Scott didn’t get up at 6AM to go to work. With both of those issues combined, I got three hours of sleep and one VERY long day.
I spent my morning making calls, and calls, and calls. I called the podiatrist specialist to make an appointment. Then I called around to figure out how we were going to get there (have I mentioned that not having a drivers license at 25 is really becoming a burden?) In that time I got the advice that I should call the hospital financial services to see if they have any financial support for someone without health insurance. I then got redirected three separate times and talked to three very helpful women in the billing department. I was then given a number to call to talk to someone about financial support from the county. I hadn’t even had coffee yet, and I was already getting shit done!
Around 1:00pm we left the house and headed to the appointment, they asked questions I have answered for a million times. Scott had more x-rays done, and the conclusion isn’t great. Scott absolutely without a doubt has to have surgery. There is only a 10% chance that Scott’s big toe will heal correctly without surgery to put it all back together, and also put a wire in his second toe to fix the complete break.
We did get pictures of his x-rays this time though!
its gnarly if you know what you’re looking at.
After the appointment I had to call the financial support back to let her know the estimate of the physicians fee. Then I had to call the specialist back to figure out where the surgery would be. After that I had to call the specialty hospital to get the estimate of the surgery. Finally I had to call the financial support back. It was like the worst version of groundhogs day. Now I am waiting to hear back from her and see what she has to say once she calls a few people.
The numbers come out to.. well.. A FUCK TON. I spent a few minutes after all of that calling and texting various people, updating them about the situation. After I was finished with that, I checked to see if Scott needed anything and then I locked myself in the bathroom for a solid 5 minutes and cried because when things go wrong I hold my shit together in front of people.
The immobility of my husband is frustrating, because his job involves being incredibly physical. The unknown is horrifying. I want to crawl into a ball and not get out of bed. I can’t because someone has to get shit done and i’m not going to make Scott hobble around the house all day long. In the end, I know we’ll figure it out and we’ll be alright, but right now I just need to be frustrated and stressed because it seems to be the only thing keeping me going right now.
The ball of anxiety runs well on stress, is that ironic?
This was long, but so was my day, so i’m sorry and you’re welcome.