Life is complicated

My husband’s grandpa passed away last week. I haven’t felt much like writing anything while dealing with the stress that is flowing through his side of the family. 

They don’t grieve like most do, there’s not a lot of crying or being sad. They all try to be strong in front of one another. I find that strange since my family isn’t really like that from what I’ve expierenced with death. It’s a lot of planning and stressing and yelling and distractions. Anything to keep from being sad. 

I get it, there’s enough to be sad about. Life is complicated, death is inevitable, pick up and move along, all that. But it seems so foreign to not see them shed a single tear around anyone else. 

Truth be told, I didn’t know him that well. So I’m sad in my own way, but I don’t have much emotion when it comes to thinking about the loss of him as a family member. How can you be sad and heartbroken over someone you never really knew? I feel empathy for my husband’s family, I feel sad that he’s gone, but i also feel guilty that I don’t have the emotions to be as sad as losing a close family member. 

I don’t think that makes me a horrible person. I think that makes me human, prone to mixed, confusing, and slightly inappropriate emotion. 

What I’m trying to say is, things might be a little scattered for the next week until things get sorted and the funeral has been had. 

I’m sorry and you’re welcome.

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